Sunday, June 24, 2007

Bandit Country


Somewhere downstairs She Of The Town House is bundling up the raffle tickets for Sioe Gwn, Llechwedd’s very own annual sheepdog trial.
Casually, she enquires whether I have got any elastic bands to wrap around the bundles.
I am outraged! Who does she think she is kidding. Oh I’m not going to crack and give anything away but I know what her game is.
Every time the postman leaves his little sheaf of junk mail in the box at the end of my track he also leaves me a red elastic band (OK sometimes they are brown, but red is best). Every time I look in the box my heart flutters at the prospect. With the joy of a man who needs to get a life, I lovingly join the band of the day to the end of my growing collection. The one I have stashed in the drinks holder of the New comedy Car.
….And incidentally The New Comedy Car is beginning to show signs of quirkiness. The handbrake cable gave up the ghost and so now I have to remember a large rock in case I have to park on a slope. I know this is probably frowned upon by Brundstroms Heroes but I can even now picture the man in the garage rubbing his hands in anticipation at a large chunk of my holiday money.
But back to the bands…..
Its not obsessive. Don’t think that. Its just that their bandiness excites me, and the way the little loops curl and twist in their holder, and the feel of their rubbery niceness, lying there looking up at me every day waiting for a new fellow to join the end of the line. The red rubber coiled with such promise, growing longer week by week, nurtured by the love of postman and recipient of junk mail. Ahem.
Oh she’s a sly one! I can see the look in her eye. The way that she raises a casual well plucked brow from the counting and stacking. She has designs on my precious rubber band collection. Viewing them as some kind of frivolous utility item that can be consumed at will. Worry not my precious ones, worry not. I’m coming to save you.
Bandy……
Bandy………

12 comments:

headless chicken said...

I'm tempted to call you a loony but I absolutely love stationary items of any description and I think I could include rubber bands, though I personally rather like paper-clips and other various paper-fasteners. I can understand the appeal of the rubber band but I don't find them as versatile as the paper clip.:)

DaveM said...

I am the person who enjoys a trip around Staples, all those pens and refills.
Whenever I need an elastic band I just take a walk down the street, as there is always some lying around after the postmen.

me said...

ahh! that is where they come from ... my son keeps picking them up from the street around the PO.

You want me to send them?

buffalodickdy said...

I get my coolest, strongest rubber bands from bunches of asparagus or broccoli. I put them in a ziplock bag in a drawer in the kitchen. My wife then moves the bag and can't remember where! I haven't figured out if she's an idiot or diabolical.....

meredic said...

headless chicken - paper clips. No I'm sorry. Thats just wierd ;-)

davem - its true then, the streets are paved with bands in the south....sigh...

me - you see! You are the same as She Of The Town house. You have a boy with a perfectly sensible hobby and your first thought is to capture jis collection and send it elsewhere. Its no wonder men get paranoid.

buffalodickdy - diabolical. Dead cert!

The reaction to this post is just serving to confirm my paranoia. It seems that women the whole world over are in some secret pact to rob us of our rubber bands.

Fi said...

Rubber band fetishes, knocking the heads off pheasants, poetry hauntings. The more I read, the more I recognise myself. I've also got to leave my landrover in gear as the handbrake doesn't work... Maybe thats a good solution to your Comedy Car problem? Unless of course your hills are very steep. Which they probably are. I'm going now.

Sally Lomax said...

Esos likes rubber bands. He has a large collection of them in his room. Is it a boy thing?

meredic said...

Fi - Fetish :- an object, idea, or activity that somebody is irrationally obsessed with or attached to. No its much deeper than that…..

Sally – ‘boy thing’ Umm we prefer ‘macho’.

Lori said...

You write a good story! I get a rubber band around my newspaper every day, but they get all covered in newsprint and aren't very nice. Yours look much better. The red ones are best!

meredic said...

Lori - thankyou dear heart. The red ones are cute aren't they......ahem...

Mike said...

There has been a lot of public ouytcry about posties dropping them in the street; apparently sometimes dogs eat them whole and they end up strangulating their guts.
I collect them too, but someone told me they are special bioderadeable ones, so not sure how long they will last.
The boss of the Post Office promised to donate (£1 I think) to charity for every red band sent in after his people left them in the street. Not sure where you send them....probably a web pae somewhere will tell you.

Mike said...

Definitely a problem with the g on this keyboard!