Friday, May 25, 2007

A Cunning Plan


Tonight we see the return to Hallett’s Mountain of She Of The Town House after ten days in the foreign. I have been anxious to prevent a repeat of the last debacle. To this end I have searched the house from top to bottom and have eventually found the dyson. More than that, I have figured out how to plug it in.
It worked for about half an hour but I am not sure if there isn’t something wrong with it. Blind Pugh and Asbo have been having a competition to see who can be first to shed their own body weight of dog hair. This seems to have filled the little clear plastic bit and now it is giving off an unpleasant burning smell every time I turn it on. I must say that the container part seems awfully small. I reckon there could be a market for dysons with emptyable containers. Ones you could take off, turf the rubbish in to a bin and use them again. You wouldn’t have to throw them away so often then. Still never mind, I am sure women have their reasons. Her shaggy old angora sweater seems to pick up dog hair almost as well. The new two tone effect that it has taken on will be a pleasant surprise I am sure.
We have cracked the toilet as well. Oh I don’t mean a real crack. I mean we have managed to mask the unpleasant smell and save water at the same time. I was looking in Mrs Wilsons Hardware and I saw these things that you set light to in order to get rid of insects in the greenhouse. The lavatories ( we are posh here) in the town house don’t smell half as bad since we left one of them in each overnight. Smudge pots or something. I recommend them to you all.
Since we learned that trick from last time the dog has sorted out all the washing up. Except for the really baked on peas. Seeing as you can’t tell what colour they were originally, we are going to try and pass that one off as next doors rat. Which incidentally we haven’t seen since Ben lost it in the sitting room, so it is a pretty feasible excuse.
Oh yes, we sellotaped all those plants she loves and tends up to some sticks that we found on the beach and so we haven’t had to water them much at all. This has been much better from the point of view of flooding.
All in all I reckon she is going to be pretty pleased by how we have managed.
All except of course the room belonging to The Boy. If I reveal no more to all you mothers out there than the fact that he is thirteen, going on fourteen, I am sure you will have almost as clear a picture as the vile reality of his pit.
There are yoghurt (I may even have spelled yoghurt correctly this time Mike) pots in there that are beginning to evolve into a new subspecies. Any lower into the pile I care not to delve, less I get an infected wound. I have helped in just one regard I have removed all remote controls and aerials and game controllers from his room.
Everything else he is going to have to deal with himself. Then he can have them all back again.
Mwahahahahahahaaaaa.

7 comments:

headless chicken said...

I think Dysons are a bit crap actually. We've had two and they were both great at first but it doesn't last.
Teenage boys bedrooms are indeed best avoided if possible. On the odd occasion that I have ventured into Renegades room to search for missing plates etc.,I have felt compelled to go and shower on leaving! The odd scientific experiment has been found lurking in the dark,underneath his bed along with the festering socks and other things best not talked about.

miss behave said...

I sympathise as last month I discovered that my eldest - also 14 - had been hiding his packed lunch behind his bed for several months.

DaveM said...

If you have a Dyson go wrong take advantage of their call out service as they will virtually rebuild it for you as they do everything it needs even giving you new pipes. They have 2 charges and the max is about £50, check the website.

me said...

personally i love my dyson - and i don't mean that because of the new thingmyjig attachment especially for ladies.

You have given me a wonderful vision of a family home. From now on i shall be sending my son under the bed to collect his old socks etc., rather than venturing there myself.

enjoy your weekend ;)

meredic said...

Headless Chicken - Scientific experiments. I missed that out didn't I. The science of modern genetics is being written even now under the beds of teenage boys.

Miss Behave - welcome. Hey my mum used to keep a packed lunch at the bottom of her handbag for emergencies. God only knows what kind of emergency it could have been used in. It was there for years.

Davem - I wish I had known about this a few years ago. I have put two Dysons out of thier misery.

Me - Please consider whether it is worth risking a human life for the sake of a lost sock. I suppose you could always attatch a rope to his ankle.

Sally Lomax said...

Our Dyson is on its way out.....but actually I still like it.....

Anonymous said...

Yoghurt looks right, but I think you could have done with another comma. I had to read this sentence three times before I figured out what you were on about!

You wrote:
Since we learned that trick from last time the dog has sorted out all the washing up.

BTW I can give a strong recommendation to Miele vacuum cleaners. Vastly superior to Dysons; almost a pleasure to use to those of us with an eye for good design and engineering.
Mike