Sunday, May 02, 2010

Asda Man On Short Notices


Look at this idiocy.
I mean I ask you!
What do you suppose that the exciting changes are. Come on guess. I mean obviously the inhabitants of the nearby Old Town are turning in their sleep in eager anticipation at the prospect, but what do you think?
Okay there we are. I waited five minutes but none of you rang so I am going to have to tell you.
White lines.
Yep. That is what has got us all so excited. They are repainting the white lines in the car park.

I hate it when supermarkets do this. Not the white lines. They stop fights I suppose and confuse the Chelsea tractor drivers. No I mean this false bonhomie rubbish. The pretence that we are all in this for the future and if we can just get through it will all be over by Christmas. Why cant they just put up a short notice apologising to everyone for the inconvenience of half the car park being out of action and offer a free bottle of wine. I mean that would keep me going back.

And another thing. Team shirts. I hate ‘em. Not the football shirts, I can see the point there, you have to pass the ball to the player on your team after all and contact lenses can get displaced in the frenzy. A decent blob of the right colour in a suitable space must prove useful in many instances out on the field of play.
The team shirt that I hold a particular dislike for is the one in my local QuikiMart ( and in case anyone else wants that name I am going to dotcom it double quick. There you can buy it off me if you feel the need.
The team shirt in my local QuikiMart has a slogan upon it. Scrawled across the back of course, over and below the shoulders. Never on the front where it would encourage people to admire the chest…....oh dear.....Water please!
Where was I. Hmm. The slogan on everyone’s back reads thus.

“Can I Help U?”

Yes you bloomin can. Stop using damn text speak on your T-shirts and write properly!
Grrr rant rant grrr.

Eh? Oh yes. So it is. Um. Another half of mild and bitter please.
Harumph.

3 comments:

Rich said...

This cynicism will do you no good Mr Hallett.
The Ministry of Supermarkets is doing all it can to make your personal shopping experiences as pleasurable for you as it possibly can be.
Your individuality has been noted and recorded for consideration by the Ministry of Truth.
You will, undoubtedly, hear more of this matter.
In the meantime, please follow the instructions of the nice Nurse Ratched and take the little red pills. After all, EVERY LITTLE HELPS....

Vi said...

LOL! You obviously have different 'quickimarts' to us...if ours said that, we would be saying back, no...seriously..don't you mean can u help me?

Heulyn said...

Rich, your comment made me laugh :]
The Ministry of Truth, indeed :D

Also, I'm sure those shirts should in fact read:
Please Help Me!
or
Plz Dnt Tlk 2 Me.
or even
Thnx 4 Shoppin Ere.

It's awful.